Does this spell the end of loyalty and commitment?
In today’s time and age, the world progressed in aspects of technology, food, fashion, and much more. All relationships require effort and commitment. Sexualities and various types of relationships became freely expressed in our societies. When variations in relationships begin developing apart from the traditional monogamous relationship style followed by everyone universally (still debatable if it is followed ethically or not in reality), it creates curiosity in our minds and trouble for most. Most think open relationships are boundless sex with multiple partners. When in reality, infidelity isn’t permitted as well.
An open relationship is usually one where two people are in a committed partnership but can seek to sexually explore outside of the relationship with multiple partners. There are rules, terms, and conditions applicable to both partners. The common reasoning for how an open relationship works are commitment, honesty, and complete communication with your partner about the rules, terms, and conditions both partners have set. In most cases, it is seen as the primary relationship is given more importance. Usually, the secondary partners are kept sexual mostly. The partners usually cut off a secondary partner if things go against the agreed-upon conditions.
Growth and Evolvement
Communication, honesty, trust, and loyalty play significant factors in any relationship. At the very least, these are characteristics a partner looks for to be compatible with another, right? Growth and evolution are two factors that most of us forget to consider, and these factors contribute to a long-term relationship.
Definitions and thought processes change as you grow older. For example, how one picture how essential work-life balance was in their teens will drastically change when they reach 25. We grow out of our insecurities and mistakes and evolve into better souls as human beings. The same goes for a relationship. The lack of effort to evolve into a better person and grow/rectify flaws is not paid keen attention to. Why would one face hindrances to attaining growth and evolvement in an open relationship? To state the obvious, there is the involvement of sexual partners. The more people interfere with your relationship or are involved- it’s bound to get messy.
Why it doesn’t work
Open relationships have a 92% of failure rate. Most open relationships that have lasted in the long run lasted for the highest of 8 years. There can’t be the main reasoning as to why it doesn’t work, as there are plenty. Jealousy- Most feel jealous of their partner’s secondaries and beat themselves up for not being them for their partner. Through jealousy, various mental health issues are caused as well. It can trigger feelings of inadequacy, which could cause them to react harmfully toward others. Symptoms of stress have been observed as well.
In some cases, it can lead to depression. In their study, the University of Rochester stated that “People in partially open and unilateral non-monogamous partnerships tended to be younger, reported lower levels of commitment to their relationships, and demonstrated low levels of attachment. Few individuals reported high sexual satisfaction. They had the highest rate of condom-free sexual activity with new partners.” Furthermore, both monogamous groups reported the lowest levels of sexual sensation seeking, reflecting constrained and conventional attitudes regarding casual sex. People in the three non-monogamous partnerships reported higher levels of sexual sensation seeking, were more likely to actively seek new sexual partners and had contracted a sexually transmitted disease.
Feelings of betrayal and dealing with insecurities- Even when the open relationship states the freedom of the relationship is to be able to have multiple partners- many state feeling betrayed in the relationship irrespective if it occurred in reality or not. This shows how messy a relationship can get without trust and honest communication. Insecurities have never grown out due to the lack of growth and evolution.
Ego clashes- If one or both of the partners holds a high sense of ego, it will not end well and lead to fighting. It gets messy when one or both bring up something about the relationship as a point to tackle. Hence from your secondary partners to your exes- it can be anybody.
Control Imbalance- Often, one feels they are starting to lose control of their relationship due to the involvement of other partners.
Breach of privacy- The feeling that personal information is revealed to other partners (whether they did it or not). Due to tot the lack of privacy and trust- it breaks.
Lies- Most open relationships fail due to a lack of honesty- that roots in LIES. When partners withhold information, this breaks trust, loyalty, and communication, the foundation it was built on.
A Spiritual and Biological Perspective
Both parties must accept new sexual experiences with their secondary partners for an open relationship to work. And also come to terms with their partner’s secondaries. To explore their sexuality with others, one should be willing to try various types of relationships. These experiences will help discover newer sides and sexualities that one finds comfortable. As humans, we are connected spiritually. Hence, from that standpoint of love, friendship, or sex, we connect as human beings. Discovering those different spectrum colours isn’t limited, not in this world nor another alternate universe. Biologically we are not creatures who should be trapped with one person forever. Curiosity to discover the diversity within other creatures is natural and is inbuilt within us. Hence the shaming of this type of relationship makes no sense.
Emotions often override logic
Because the basics of monogamy seem more enticing at the end of the day for most couples, who call it quits despite having their rules, terms, and conditions. Emotions are what the insides of us humans are made of. No matter how much one tries to shield themselves by hiding their insecurities and whatnot- it eventually catches up if not kept in check. Overthinking, feelings of inadequacy and betrayal, jealousy, control misbalance, low-self esteem, lack of confidence, and much more are generally experienced in people who participate in open relationships. In some cases, one partner falls in love with the other. Most of the people who face this have had to deal with rejection and eventually deal with horrible breakups, which take a healing period of 6 months at the least( a relapse is not added into this period)
For who an open relationship is well suited:
Your relationship has to have a strong foundation. One cannot afford a lousy foundation for something as fragile as an open relationship. This is because the number of people involved and what is bound to follow with an open relationship will involve a heightened level of honesty and commitment. Still, it commands a strong base as well. Hence open relationships are not for those on the verge of breaking up or who have constant fights, lack of trust, infidelity involvement, etc.
Unplanned occurrences can take their course. By this, however careful you are, there are still chances of unplanned pregnancies or, as the study stated (from above), a sexually transmitted disease can affect anyone as well. Hence, if one is up for an unplanned responsibility of a child and is highly aware of the risks of contracting an STD, open relationships are for you.
For the sake of fitting in
Most people open their relationships for fear of losing their partners completely. Some get into open relationships just to fit in. Loyalty and commitment are essential in open relationships. Still, open relationships fail due to lack of honesty and jealousy rating as the top 2 reasons. Most people who do not prefer open relationships do it only because they are attracted to their partner. They end up facing low-self esteem, depression, etc. For example, if this behaviour of seeking public validation is not corrected, it may lead to a histrionic personality disorder.
References
1. Forrest Hangen, Dev Crasta, Ronald D. Rogge. Delineating the Boundaries between Nonmonogamy and Infidelity: Bringing Consent Back Into Definitions of Consensual Nonmonogamy With Latent Profile Analysis. The Journal of Sex Research, 2019; 1 DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2019.1669133
2. University of Rochester. “Do open relationships really work?.” ScienceDaily. ScienceDaily, 29 October 2019. www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/10/191029182513.htm
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